I've been quiet and busy.
We received some more medical news about my momma. The beast has spread its tentacles into her brain. And I mean beast. It is taking a lot to fight this. And she's doing it with a smile (most of the time) on her face.
Day to day I'm deciding if I can be a mom or a daughter...because I can't do both very well right now. Oh, the help offered and accepted...I have a list of favors to repay in my head...impossible task.
As I was waking up this morning, and remembering the challenges ahead, I realized that the underlying-it-all sadness I feel is precious. Precious, because it demonstrates how much I love her and need her. You know, that whole "we appreciate the sun after a rain" thing.
Precious, because hardship has been rare in my life. If I can get out of my own world, I see there is plenty of suffering to go around. No profundity here...you all now this already. You've survived some already. No one gets through this life without being affected by it, but I have suffered relatively little (in spite of my stupidity.) So the question is: when suffering comes...how do I handle it?
My mom's life is blessed. (I am taking some liberties speaking for her, but she says this regularly.) She lives a purposeful, productive, serving, loving life. She knows the deep love of a man who adores her ~just celebrating 40 years on July 19th. (You should see my silly dad ~ he is so funny and playful with her these days.) And she knows the bottomless, rich love of a Savior who is "especially fond of her" (props to The Shack.) She has accepted the grace offered to erase present mistakes and old pain. She is thankful for the lessons He has shown. And she trusts that God ultimately will work out the best plan for her.
We continue to watch for miracles and the "unfolding of the mysteries of healing" (just spoke to a family friend and that's what she prayed...wow...yeah, that's what I want.)
She knows (and I know) that no matter what we will be okay. We rest in the grip of God.