I'm good at going on, but next week I can see an obstacle. I can't keep putting my head down and plugging away at this life. There looms an empty chair that stops my momentum. It is so imposing, I can't even take my eyes off it.
Grief falls down on me today. My chest twists anticipating my most cherished holiday.
I will look for her, her back to the others in the kitchen, impatient with my dad's lack of immediate response to "It's time to carve the bird." Never sitting down for more than 2.5 minutes, I will see her poised with hands, pinkies slightly raised, on the back of that chair. She'll sigh and smile, seeing her beloved family is seated and ready to pass the dishes.
I will stand in the kitchen listening. I will be thankful. But the table is waiting and my eyes still search for her.