Beyond blessed

Hi, Sweet Friends,

It's Friday and I sit this glorious evening on MY porch in my new FREE chair. Oh yes, I've been "Yard-sale"ing and the booty is plentiful. I know, it's becoming an obsession.

It has been a great week...a challenging one. But in light of all, really great. The body of Christ is alive and well in my Momma's life (and mine.) I cannot keep track of the blessings she has received. There are friends at every turn offering help, time, food, flowers, and especially prayer. And she is better this week. More independent and sassy.

Anyway, here are snapshots:

* found a pesky receipt that had eluded me

* caught up with two of my momma's sisters and introduced my babes to one of them for the first time

* spent 2 normal days with my babes...doing puzzles, making bread, general puttering

* visited our hometown Children's museum with a sweet friend and our 5 babes

* unpacked 4 6 bins of my stuff...aahhhh

* been present as a another sweet friend delivered a gorgeous baby girl

* gotten the yard, the pool and the house under control, well almost

* had several enlightening and encouraging phone conversations, especially one with my Recovery sponsor...

* indulged in appetizers for dinner with a sweet friend...yum! just what I needed.

* officially taken the house of the market...the sign and the lock box are gone (watch, now we'll get an offer and consider it...)

* sent my babes off to my terrific in-laws for three days, which coincides with the primo yard-sale-ing days of the week...not planned, but embraced...

* listened to three podcast sermons on 3 bike rides. Rob Bell from Mars Hill Detroit oozes wisdom...you can listen here. And I'm talking, like every sentence from Bill Johnson hits between the eyes...

* found these on my porch...beautiful!

* scored $100's of homeschooling books for about $50 at a yard sale! Because, oh yeah, I am about to be the momma of an official kindergartner...eeek!

* had a friend insist that every Wednesday evening for the forseeable future, she will stay with my babes to give me a break

* received news that my sweet man is being transferred to an office in Cincinnati...road trip to Cincy to stay for part of next week! Lots of catch-up hugs and kisses!

* prayed like never before, not out of fear...I am not impressed by cancer; I am confident in my God.

So good week, and I'm ready to tackle the next.

She says it so much better

"We live in a fallen, imperfect, temporary world. Our bodies cannot keep us here forever. While it is our strong desire to have Stellan in our arms for nine more months from today, and then nine more, and nine more after that, we know that that is not our call. God desires peace, wholeness and healing, too. But the very nature of this life we are currently living is that it is not eternal. Stellan will get the full healing that God wants. Whether his ablation in Boston is successful or not, Stellan's body will be completely whole once he is in Heaven, whenever that is.

It's the same for all of us. Our bodies are temporary, mortal, imperfect. I'll never understand completely why God allows suffering, especially in children, just as He'll probably never understand why we would sin against Someone who is perfect and has never done us any harm. But the facts are the facts: this world is not our home. Our forever home is in Heaven and my sights are set there. While we tread this temporary earth, I will do my darndest to focus on eternity. For that, my friends, is what truly matters. "

from http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ Read the rest. She is enduring her own suffering. Quite possibly my most "fravoritest" blog ever...and I love the blogosphere.

By Contrast

I've been quiet and busy.

We received some more medical news about my momma. The beast has spread its tentacles into her brain. And I mean beast. It is taking a lot to fight this. And she's doing it with a smile (most of the time) on her face.

Day to day I'm deciding if I can be a mom or a daughter...because I can't do both very well right now. Oh, the help offered and accepted...I have a list of favors to repay in my head...impossible task.

As I was waking up this morning, and remembering the challenges ahead, I realized that the underlying-it-all sadness I feel is precious. Precious, because it demonstrates how much I love her and need her. You know, that whole "we appreciate the sun after a rain" thing.

Precious, because hardship has been rare in my life. If I can get out of my own world, I see there is plenty of suffering to go around. No profundity here...you all now this already. You've survived some already. No one gets through this life without being affected by it, but I have suffered relatively little (in spite of my stupidity.) So the question is: when suffering comes...how do I handle it?

My mom's life is blessed. (I am taking some liberties speaking for her, but she says this regularly.) She lives a purposeful, productive, serving, loving life. She knows the deep love of a man who adores her ~just celebrating 40 years on July 19th. (You should see my silly dad ~ he is so funny and playful with her these days.) And she knows the bottomless, rich love of a Savior who is "especially fond of her" (props to The Shack.) She has accepted the grace offered to erase present mistakes and old pain. She is thankful for the lessons He has shown. And she trusts that God ultimately will work out the best plan for her.

We continue to watch for miracles and the "unfolding of the mysteries of healing" (just spoke to a family friend and that's what she prayed...wow...yeah, that's what I want.)

She knows (and I know) that no matter what we will be okay. We rest in the grip of God.

Relief

When I compare my Sunday worship today to last week's...night and day. Today, I'm not reeling from bad news, exhausted from activity, or saying goodbye to my partner for who knows how long. Today, I'm not asking God for a break and afraid what else He may ask me to do. In fact, today(after an incredible sermon,) I'm waiting to hear from Him and hope to be quickly obedient...(so much easier that way.) Today, I can think about and pray for others instead of being mired in my own junk.

What's made the difference? Oh, a dash of familiarity, a boatload of fun with friends, and a dose of God's perspective. And some "yard-sale-ing!" God indeed gave me the break I needed.

We are settling into the house nicely...at first unpacking just what we need from our travel trunks and one bin from the Valley. But then yesterday we ventured out with a Yard Sale map in hand. We had a mission: find a bargain on a toaster oven...and we did. And I came back with much more. This house is empty and its yawning spaces are begging to be filled. Remember that time....about six months ago...when we "selled everything away?" Yeah, radical decision. And now I think "oh, I wish I hadn't given ________ away...I could really use it right now. What were we thinking?" I have to remember that life can be so much easier if I have less stuff to maintain.

We're going to take this life one day at a time. We may be Wichita bound; we may stay here. We may sell this house; we may hold onto it for years to come. I can grumble about being a single parent for a spell; or I can enjoy these crazy cute kids.

But I going to let Him remind me that He is the Captain of this ship and I am a passenger. I can keep looking back wondering if He knows where He's going and tell Him to watch out for those waves crashing. I can hide in my cabin trying to protect myself. I can panic and dash about the deck or I can stand and hold on asking what the other passengers need. The latter feels so much better. I pray this remains my perspective.

The happy couple

Wedding day...they're hitched and happy! Does this mean I'm a stage mom?

Drifting

The news from Mimi's surgeon was not what I was/we were expecting. Shell-shocked...I was just counting on her best option becoming a reality. And then, about 2 hours later, Sweet Man received a call that he was being sent back to Wichita. So now the decisions need to be made.

I preface with this: We chose this job for Sweet Man with its lifestyle and its challenges.

Do the kids and I go to Kansas?

When do we leave?

How long do we stay?

What do we need to get there and to stay there?

And if we stay "home," where do we rest our heads?

Who takes care of the house/grass/pool that we still own while we are gone?

Where is the best place for the kids?

Who helps my momma? And am I any help to her if I stay?

Where do You want me to be? And where do others want me to be? (I'm learning that the latter is less and less important than I used to think it was.)

I have this habit of falling asleep for about 15 minutes and then waking to be ultra-conscious and ultra-anxious. Friday night, it all came down on me. Too tired...my guard was down. I fell apart as the waves of worry kept crashing. Sweet Man discovered me and held on. I'm falling apart often these days. Have you noticed?

In his wisdom, he didn't say much and let me blubber on. At last, he gently suggested that we ride this last little bit of "house on the market" push. If we return from Wichita and no one has purchased our house, we will take it off the market and move back in for our "home" times.

That decision had a profound effect on me...diffusing my anxiety. Whether or not it actually happens...it was so good to hear him say what I've been suggesting for a while. I jumped into this life decision with both feet and eyes closed, following him. And for a few months, I've been trying to catch up with him or pull him back to where I am. I need an anchor. I want to stop drifting. I just want to be. I need an Anchor to hold me.

But I kept crying a while longer.

Oy!

So busy...so very busy...I know you all are, too. We survived, dare-I-say-it, even thoroughly enjoyed our Fourth of July weekend (although we were missing Mimi and Opa.) But no time to rest. Here's a snapshot of our "Sweet Man's last week off, hurry, cram-it-all-in" week:

1 last berry pick (I think I'm done for this season...and I'm healing nicely, thank you)

2 dentist appointments

3 new undershirts for ring bearer suit (I know we only need one, but where can I buy just one?)

4 parties to attend

5 days to inhabit our old house

6 attempts at a suitable flower girl updo

7/8/09 - today's date

8 hours of sleep needed nightly - not gonna happen last week or this

9 (x13) pan of lemon/lime squares to be baked sometime tomorrow between events for a Friday barbecue

10+ bags to transport to our empty old house

11 items to iron by Friday pm, but don't have an iron...hmmm

12 hours spent in an important class...which I suggest you all consider taking...ask me later ;)

We're straddling the counties as we try to live in two places. The wedding of dear friends is this weekend in addition to other activities I just can't stand to miss. Can't avoid it anymore and we're going to stay in the house (still on the market) for a while to cut down on the drive time. Weird, but somehow so right. Don't know where we'll be next week. Sweet Man may have a new assignment somewhere, out there...and we're eagerly awaiting to be let in on God's plan for Mimi. It's a big week. Yep, I'm crazier than usual.