"Bono-jour"

Still loving the book and I'm almost finished. 

Can I share some of my favorite excerpts? It's a lot...you ready? I can't republish the whole thing, so these are just pieces. If you read the interview I posted before, some of this may be familiar. {Michka Assaya's words are in boldface.The highlights are mine.}

God, in His sneaky-up-on-me, perfectly-timed way, is using this book to articulate some of the  wrestling matches I've had with my faith. Who knew Bono would clear so much up for me?

On his faith: 

p. 85

I do see the good in people, but I also see the bad – I see it in myself. I know what I’m capable of, good and bad. It’s very important that we make that clear. Just because I often find a way around the darkness doesn’t mean that I don’t know it’s there.

p. 186

Who was the first televangelist you saw on TV?

It was a preacher who was asking his audience in TV land to put their hand against the screen to be healed. So there were people, old ladies with bronchitis, old ladies with broken hips, and probably people with cancer, all over America, getting out of their armchairs and putting their hands on the TV. It broke my heart. But remember I was a believer. Though I understood the power of the Scriptures they were quoting from, and I did believe in the healing powers of faith, I was seeing it debased and demeaned. But unlike a lot of people, I understood the language. What’s always bothered me about the fundamentalists is that they seem preoccupied with the most obvious sins. If those sins, sexual immorality and drug addiction, come out of unhappiness, then I’m sure God wants to set people free of that unhappiness. But I couldn’t figure out why the same people were never questioning the deeper, slyer problems of the human spirit like self-righteousness, judgmentalism, institutional greed, corporate greed. You only have to look to unfair trade agreements that keep the developing world in the Dark Ages to see the hypocrisy I’m talking about. These people talk about the debasing of culture. What about the debasing of hundreds of thousands of real lives?

p. 221-22

It’s true. Yeah, smashing other people to pieces doesn’t need the same conviction. Most terrorists want to change the material world. Well, add eternity to that, and people can go a lot further to pursue their ends. It’s a big prize, isn’t it, eternity? It’s not a two-term or a three-term presidency. [laughs] But of course, this is always a corruption of some holy thesis, whether it’s the Koran or the Bible. My understanding of the Scriptures has been made simple by the person of Christ. Christ teaches that God is love. What does that mean? What it means for me: a study of the life of Christ. Love here describes itself as a child born in straw poverty, the most vulnerable situation of all, without honor. I don’t let my religious world get too complicated. I just kind of go: Well, I think I know what God is. God is love and as much as I respond [sighs] in allowing myself to be transformed be that love and acting in that love, that’s my religion. Where things get complicated for me, is when I try to live this love. Now, that’s not so easy.

What about the God of the Old Testament? He wasn’t so “peace and love.”

There’s nothing hippie about my picture of Christ. The Gospels paint a picture of a very demanding, sometime divisive love, but love it is. I accept the Old Testament as more of an action movie: blood, car chases, evacuations, a lot of special effects, seas dividing, mass murder, adultery. The children of God are running amok, wayward. Maybe that’s why they’re so relatable. But the way we would see it, those of us who are trying to figure out our Christian conundrum, is that the God of the Old Testament is like the journey from stern father to friend. When you’re a child, you need clear directions and some strict rules. But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship, for, as in the Old Testament , it was more one of worship and awe, a vertical relationship. The New Testament, on the other hand, we look across at a Jesus who looks familiar, horizontal. The combination is what makes the Cross.

p. 223

Speaking of bloody action movies, we were talking about South and Central America last time. The Jesuit priests arrived there with the gospel in one hand and a rifle in the other.

I know, I know. Religion can be the enemy of God. It’s often what happens when God, like Elvis, has left the building. [laughs] A list of instructions where there once was conviction; dogma where once people just did it; a congregation led by a man where once they were led by the Holy Spirit. Discipline replacing discipleship.

p. 225

Just for the last time, I would like to go back to our tour of the dark side of religion. Appalling things seem to happen when people become religious at too early an age or when their experience of life is nonexistent. Don’t you think?

Zealots often have no love for the world. They’re just getting through it to the next one. It’s a favorite topic. It’s the old cliche’: “Eat shit now, pie in the sky when you die.” But I take Christ at his word: “On Earth as it is in Heaven.” As to the first part of your question, in my experience, the older you get, the less chance you have to transform your life, the less open you are to live in a challenging way. You tend towards love that’s more comforting and safe.

As I told you, I think I am beginning to understand religion because I have started acting and thinking like a father. What do you make of that?

Yes, I think that’s normal. It’s a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the Universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma.

I haven’t heard you talk about that.

 I really believe we’ve moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace.

Well, that doesn’t make it clearer for me.

You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics – in physical laws – every action in met by an equal or an opposite one. It’s clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the Universe. I’m absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that ”As you reap, so will you sow” stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.

The son of God who takes away the sins of the world. I wish I could believe in that.

But I love the idea of the Sacrificial Lamb. I love the idea that God says: Look, you cretins, there are certain results to the way we are, to selfishness, and there’s mortality as part of you very sinful nature and let’s face it, You’re not living a very good life, are you? There are consequences to actions. The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That’s the point. It should keep us humbled…It’s not our own good works that get us through the gates of Heaven.

That’s a great idea, no denying it, Such great hope is wonderful, even though it’s close to lunacy, in my view. Christ has his rank among the world’s great thinkers. But Son of God, isn’t that farfetched?

No, it’s not farfetched to me, Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: he was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets, be they Elijah, Muhammad, Buddha, or Confucius. But actually Christ doesn’t allow you that. He doesn’t let you off that hook. Christ says: No. I’m not saying I’m a teacher, don’t call me teacher. I’m not saying I’m a prophet. I’m saying “I’m the Messiah.” I’m saying: “I am God incarnate.” And people say: No, no, please, just be a prophet. A prophet, we can take. You’re a bit eccentric. We’ve had John the Baptist eating locusts and wild honey, we can handle that. But don’t mention the “M” word! Because, you know, we’re gonna have to crucify you. And he goes: No, no. I know you’re expecting me to come back with an army, and set you free from these creeps, but actually I am the Messiah.  At this point, everyone starts staring at their shoes, and says: Oh, my God, he’s gonna keep saying this.  So what you’re left is: either Christ was who He said He was – the Messiah – or a complete nutcase. I mean, we’re talking nutcase on the level of Charles Manson. This man was like some of the people we’ve been talking about earlier. This man was strapping himself to a bomb, and had “King of the Jews” on his head, and, as they were putting him up on the Cross, was going: OK, martyrdom, here we go. Bring on the pain! I can take it. I’m not joking here. The idea that the entire course of civilization for over half of the globe could have its fate changed and turned upside-down by a nutcase, for me, that’s farfetched.

p. 228

He was a bit like you, wasn’t He?

No, He only thought He was Bono! [laughs for quite a while] No, but seriously, if we only could be a bit more like Him, the world would be transformed. All I do is get up on the Cross of the Ego: the bad hangover, the bad review. When I look at the Cross of Christ, what I see up there is all my shit and everybody else’s. So I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked: Who is the man? And was He who He said He was, or was He just a religious nut? And there It is, and that’s the question. And no one can talk you into it or out of it.

it's all coming together

So, there's this guy...maybe you've heard of him. He's in a fairly well-known rock band, started in the late 70's...an Irish lad.

Née Paul Hewson, you may know him as Bono.

He's becoming part of my life.

You may or may not know...I am fond of all things Irish. Christy Moore, claddagh rings, colcannon, shamrock shakes, Peter Rollins and that charming accent. {And how funny that as I type, with volume low, Rudy Maxa is on PBS visiting Ireland. Synchronicity, indeed. Or, in prep for St. Patrick's Day, I suppose.}

Long have I had an appreciation for Bono's Irishicity and his music. But because I tend more to the jam-band, bluegrass, and folk genres, I haven't spent much time listening to the more intense sounds of U2.

I should add, the soundtrack of my freshman volleyball season was The Joshua Tree, rockin' my K-Swiss and trying to catch a glimpse of my junior boy crush walking by the gym doors. Good times.

So, the little I've known about Bono is that he's a man of faith...but of which faith I was not clear. Intrigued, I read this article when it arrived in my mailbox, years ago. It remained in my interesting read pile for months, but I never really deciphered a clear answer.

Fast forward to last week, when the wise wife of a former pastor of mine posted this link on Facebook. I liked. I shared. Again, I was intrigued by the excerpt of the conversational biography...and immediately clicked on my library's website and requested a copy of the 2005 book, Bono: in conversation with Michka Assayas. I'm on page 89.

Intertwined with the anecdotes of Catholic schools, family heartaches, and raucous touring, is a thread of faith. An authentic one. With a fearless journey through doubt and the systemic failures of religion. In spite of all the shiny things that could render him ineffective, a sincere devotion to God and his people thrives...without arrogance or expectation. And I'm only on page 89.

His faith resonates with me. It's the kind I want to grow into. Embracing the seeming contradictions and settling into a solid, purposeful, joyful faith. Finding clarity in the simple life of Jesus. A faith in which Christ's love is the standard against which all else is measured. 

{Don't be alarmed...I'm not taking religious instruction from Bono; his is an example of how a life of 

faith, doubt and devotion through both, can be lived.}

Paradigms are shifting for me. For a year now, my comfort {and my husband's} in my church home has been and is being challenged. Not a bad thing at all, actually. And no, that doesn't necessarily mean leaving, but maybe. It's easy to table that discussion when we aren't home together often and I'm not visiting any other churches without him.

The stretching at first caused me to panic...but as the pain recedes I am left with a disillusionment with humans and their religion but still a vibrant love and trust for the Most-High God. I shouldn't be following man anyway...keeping my eyes on the heavens. He is burning the dross away and I am grateful for the fresh perspective. 

{I'm still working on that "favorite church" post where I try to explain the disillusionment. Perhaps the greatest deficit in my intellect is the ability to compose a thorough but concise, clear but original, timely answer to any question. Many of you have suffered through some of my blundering, blubbering, bet-ya-wished-you hadn't asked answers. So, right now, that post is ridiculously long and convoluted and I won't be subjecting you to it just yet.}

Turns out, Sweet Man has been listening Bono for months...old stuff, new stuff {Thank you, Pandora!} He shared one of his favorites with me. Now it's one of mine. Proceed with caution...it's pretty sexy stuff.

radical {baby} steps, part 2

We need a dose of global thinking in our home. I wake up with nearsighted glasses...focusing on the immediate circumstances of life...meal preparation, schedule, errands, laundry, and mostly how can I maximize my comfort today?

I desperately need a reminder to look around me and most importantly up. 

My kids need it, too. All of us can so quickly go from this is the best day ever to why me? why can't I have that? it's so not fair.... 

They follow their momma's lead, y'all.

So, perspective...how can I effectively make it part of our day? 

When a why me? tantrum erupts with my kids, my immediate response is to holler getagrip! at the plaintiff. You have no idea how good your life is! 

I go on to explain about living conditions of faceless, nameless people.  Sometimes, I may even go as far as to describe groups who are not allowed to express their faiths or don't have the chance to even know about Jesus. I imagine they hear my Charlie Brown headless adult voice.

Abstract...meaningless. Maybe they understand...but is it really sinking in with them me? {Sidenote: I do recognize groups of people, who may not have immediate challenges of just surviving the next day, also have the need for the grace of the Savior. We all need the good news of the gospel.}

I want to discuss specifics with Bug and Bean. I mean, point to the country on the world map, look at faces, talk about foods and houses, and imagine what it would be like to have to hide to go to church. {My radical friend, takes that one step further to get the message across to her brood...so radical.}

I've read about other families using a prayer guide to focus on praying for people around the world.Wouldn't it be great if I had written those book titles down somewhere? Or bookmarked the pages? Yes, what a fabulous, organized idea that would have been....

There are several daily prayer guides available...but I'm impatient. I want to find something to use during our couch time...tuh-day. 

The last chapter of Radical outlines ways that we can implement God's principles in a practical way. {Thank you, David Platt...I appreciate specific tasks and just need a point in the right direction.} He references Operation World and their prayer guide as a way to increase awareness and actively pray for people around the world, daily for a year.

When I checked out the website, I found this and clicked on Pray Today and found information about the country and people Operation World is praying for this very day. Jackpot! {The organization has a larger book and other materials available.}

So, we've included global prayer in our couch time last week. We use the computer to look up the guide, I read some of the information about the people, and then I do a search: "images name of country  people."  As we pray, we flip through the images...the visual connects us me with reality.

Perhaps someday we can meet some of these people...but for now, how exciting that we can learn about them and their cultures and pray for them like God asks us. 

I believe prayer can move God and absolutely change circumstances...I am hoping it will also move and change our family.

{Added later:} A quote from Radical : “We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes” (139).


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Don't forget to enter for your chance in the giveaway...leave a comment on yesterday's post.

radical {baby} steps & a radical giveaway

*gulp*

I'm nervous about this post. It's of the thinking out loud, composing my thoughts sort. Expect some transparency. And some disjointed thought. Please do not interpret any presumption on my part...please don't infer an assault on your life...this is truly me working through God's message for me through this book. Okay, done with the disclaimers.

I have finally finished Radical. I hear you...it's about time...I've been reading it since May/Iowa. Whatev....do you want to hear the scoop?

Actually, there are so many other people who have more beautiful and intelligent things to say, like here. {Really, please read that link...His words through her are exquisite.}

Proceed with caution...the words may compel you to read the book...or send you running in the other direction. The book may mess with your head...or your life. If you are active in a fellowship, you'll question why you attend a certain church. If you are shaken like me, you'll begin to really pay attention to every dollar you spend {which is a very good thing for me, indeed.} If you lean to the radical already, well, watch out, world.

Watch this.

Radical by David Platt from Taylor Robinson on Vimeo.

So, thoughts... well, first my definitions based on my understanding and my experiences....


The American dream: If I work hard and treat people well, I will be rewarded with a fulfilling and comfortable life...and that's heaven enough for now. 


The gospel of grace: I can do nothing to earn my way into heaven. I deserve separation from God for my mistakes. The only way for me to join God in heaven is to believe and accept the sacrifice He has given for me in His son, Jesus. And because His love is better than my life, I should be willing to sacrifice anything to share the news and glorify Him.

Oh, yeah, we're getting right into it.

David Platt, author and pastor of an Alabama church, challenges followers of Christ to examine the contradiction between the American dream and God's gospel of grace. They cannot be assimilated...they don't fit together. He asserts that the individual cannot be believing and working toward the advancement of both. As a believer, I must choose one course...the success of me or Him.

My responsibility as a recipient of His grace and a follower of Christ is to share the news and extend that grace by sacrificially giving {my time, my material possessions, my loved ones, my commitment to giving in spite of what others do with my time & money, everything I have} all the while giving Him the credit. Period.  Specifically, God asks me to take care of the widows and orphans. And to go and talk to others about Christ...wherever they may be. 

Overwhelming.

Thank God, He's already given me a little insight.

I have a voice in my head that says, You deserve this. You've worked hard and been good. It's time to indulge. My American dream, right? Be it food, or spending, or comfort, or squandering time...the message and motivation are the same.  

The voice makes sense to me...partly because it seems logical...cause and effect, right? And partly because I have heard that message all my life as a middle-class American. Mostly, I believe it because I like a justified indulgence. 

But my American dream needs to be continually exposed in the light of the gospel. I'm beginning to recognize the arrogance of a selfish perpetuation of a culture of comfort which distracts me from my greater purpose as a follower of Christ.  

This book is an answer to prayer I didn't {and still don't want to} pray: LORD, help me silence the lie of the American dream. 

How do I know it's a lie? Well, if I believe that I deserve anything that God's provision has allowed me to have, what does another mother, who doesn't have access to the same resources, deserve?  Does she deserve struggle and suffering and the gut-eroding fear that she cannot give her children the fulfillment of basic needs?

Why do I have clean water from 3 sources within 10 feet and others have to walk miles to carry filthy water back to their families? {One of my favorite Christian communities, Mars Hill in Grand Rapids, Michigan, has partnered with this clean water program.}

I'm not talking about the consequences of personal choices...I know that enters into the mix. I'm talking about cultural, socio-economic obstacles that are part of this world...as basic as where one is born to the more complex issues of outright injustice.

Our world does not operate on the you get what you deserve principle. The universal question why do bad things happen to good people? continues through the ages. And people who have done unspeakable things have never come to earthly justice. I include myself in the latter.

So, just what am I supposed to do with all this? What do I now?

I don't know...I need to simmer a bit more...and ask some more hard questions of Him and myself.

How much of this do I believe?

How far am I willing to go?

How do I function as a contributing citizen in a system that contradicts my God? The emperor has no clothes.

Not to mention, I know I'm opening myself up to some scrutiny. I am very aware that you may chalk this up to me having an emotional response to tragic stories.  I sound  flaky or condemning. You will be watching me...how am I living? Has my paradigm shifted? How will my fickle flesh feel in a month? Prone to Wander isn't just the blog title...it's my heart status.


Can't I just walk away unaffected? It'd be so much easier. Just don't bug me about this right now, God....


So, do I really want to be different? I am at least shaken out of my slumber, once again.

I don't have answers. But I'm asking for the answers. And my finite brain can begin to analyze the choices I make in my day as extending grace or withdrawing it. I think?

That's about as far as I've gotten in the practical sense. {Oh, and a new practice with the kids that I'll talk about in my next post.} 

How do I sustain? Only by maintaining an awareness of the healing, understanding, and joy He has given me.  Just a moment of remembering my life 15 years ago...wandering in a fog, trying the world's answers to fulfillment. The gratitude floods back. When I recognize the miracles of timing and purpose...the times I trudge through my life focusing on my feet...He is working with precision with this little old life of mine. If I take a moment to look, His fingerprints are all over my life.

I love the Serenity Prayer...in its entirety, but I especially love the lines that are not so well known.

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen. 


Reinhold Niebuhr

Yes, that is what I believe. He rescued me from the muck of life...how far He has brought me, knowing all the while I will be far from perfect. But I will have love...and I'll never be alone. He has done it for all of us....and now it's my privilege to tell you and others. That's radical.

And there you go, the culmination of my conviction in a {very convoluted} nutshell.

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Here's the deal. I have an extra copy of Radical {don't worry, this is a good use of our dollars} and I'd like you to have it. So, leave a comment by Friday evening and I'll choose the winner on Saturday. {Terribly exciting, my first giveaway!}

What can I say

{I really have no idea why the margins are wonky....} 


It's not that there is nothing to say...it's that I'm not sure if or how I should say it. And that is as best as I can explain my absence. 

Let's just go from here, m'kay? And I'll tell you what I can.

When I last left you, Sweet Man had just arrived back from Cedar Falls. We gathered Bug from a cousins' sleepover the next day.

After the weekend of packing and gathering, we made our annual trip to Creation Festival. The weather was perfect...low 80's during the day and low 50's at night. Staying in a pop-up camper for the first time was great, until  4:30am when we were trying to pack up and leave and it didn't exactly cooperate. Sweet Man saved the day with his Fonzie move.

A new-to-me speaker shook my world...Louie Giglio of Passion City Church. He spoke on the glory of our star-breathing God by explaining the the Creator's design in the heavens and in our bodies...whooweeeee! tingles...really crazy stuff.

I went to the worship tent one afternoon...pretty randomly...not expecting anything...really to just enjoy some alone time. What a blessing. God was heavy there and whispered into my ear as soon as I walked in. He said many things I needed to hear...won't tell you all of it, but at one point I stood with my eyes closed, my arms palms up and bent at the elbows and He told me, You can't even catch everything I want to give you. And friends, I'm sure that's not a message specific to me....He's so good to keep talking even though I'm not listening most of the time. Oh, teach me to hear You more. 

The weekend of the 4th was anxiety-inducing, to say the least. We left Creation early. Straight from the mountains of Pennsylvania, we cruised into the Valley and dropped the kiddos off so that we could de-funkify and rush off to my *gulp* 20th high school reunion. Not at all worth the worry...it was good to see all who came. And then track down the others who were in town for the Fourth, who, ahem, didn't make an appearance at the official party. 

The next morning, we roused our sleepy selves to pick up the kids and charge on to church....for church...and a wedding...my father's wedding. Yes, again, anxiety-inducing...tangled-up knot of emotion, but joy and peace are in there somewhere.

There has been much live music...the mark of a great summer: 


**@ Creation: Switchfoot, David Crowder, Casting Crowns, Chris Tomlin, & TobyMac {I've been saying for a while that we listen to Toby because Bug likes him. Time to come clean...I *heart* TobyMac...he rocks.} 

**There was a reunion afterparty at Brew's where my brother was playing with his band, One Under from very afar across the bar.

**Sweet Man was a trooper, this past Wednesday, as he attended his first hippie-infested fest: Dark Star Orchestra...oh, poor guy...at the first notes, I closed my eyes and was transported back 15+ years with that fine music. {They're coming to the Midland in August, in case you're interested.} 

The rest of the holiday was spent at parties, the parade, and street fair. Oh, yes, and there were naps and swims.

Now, we pack again...off to camp for two weeks...to have my little family in one place, at one time with nothing but fun on the agenda. 

Let me know if you want to come for a visit....

Be glad these don't speak a thousand words

I have buttons...buttons that trigger emotion ie: relief, anxiety, anger. My children are beginning to discover them...my husband could draw you a schematic. He knows the spot on my thumb that helps diminish my headaches. He knows I don't like being told I'm wrong. He knows. 

My babes seem to like reminding the people closest to them that they have made mistakes. That's a button for me and became their favorite pasttime Thursday. They're just learning, so the first few times, I ignored...the next time, I reminded them their jobs are not to tell people what they've done wrong...but after about the 13th time that day, I'd had enough...so at that point, I got a little wrong.

My bubble burst and out of the rupture oozed my irritation. On the highway at 60mph, no less.

Within a half hour of that eruption, I unloaded on my husband...he hadn't even pushed any buttons...I just wasn't done spewing. Hot lava and ash fell on everyone that day.

I needed to tell him he was wrong because he spent money on something I deemed foolish. He knows now...that regardless of the hard work he does to give us all we need and more, he can't make his own decisions about spending $30. Am I right or am I right?

I really know how to make the most of the little amount of time we get to spend together, donchathink?

So, who's the fool? Who's wrong?
Don't answer that.

Anywho...I found this place near Sweet Man's office that has amazing light at sunset. I planned a little photo shoot.

I don't record videos of the kiddos very much...because instead of documenting the bickering and cajoling... with photographs, I can choose my own idyllic narration. Readers, feel free to do the same...add birdsong or giggling children to the soundtrack...actually, that is what we were hearing in addition to my shutter snapping.  So, I can look at these and delude myself:: we hadn't had a no good, horrible, very bad day...right?

Nope, doesn't work...I will probably look at these and always remember the day Mt. Momma blew her top...again.

Then I remember,

A thousand times I've failed

Still Your mercy remains,

And should I stumble again

Still I'm caught in Your grace.

I promise

I'll shut up here for a while after this...and try not to be melodramatic and self-absorbed. But I want to share a little struggle with you. Here's a little emotional-thinking-in-writing for you me::

I've felt it sinking in this week...thinking it was the rain and a little hotel fever. Now that the sun's out and I still feel soooo tired and unmotivated...I'm not sure to what to attribute this malaise.

I'm off of caffeine...but could really gulp a gallon or so, right now. Could be that I've been staying up way too late.

I think I'm a little worn out, from being Momma-on-duty while Sweet Daddy works so hard and so much.  And the day he doesn't work, he needs to rest, of course. My kids could use some friends to play with...I think they're pretty sick of me...and sometimes each other.

Wow, my heart goes out again to single parents and armed forces spouses...how do they do it?

I started to do some research for Moms' groups in the Cedar Falls area and found a group that meets 5 minutes away on the 2nd Thursday of the month. Today's the 2nd Friday of the month....bummer. I usually start looking for those groups as soon as we land in a new place...why did I wait? 

Who's trying to teach me that He is sufficient and will supply all my needs? 

Maybe it's homesickness? We've been here 3 weeks and that may be a bit off a mental threshhold for me. 

My own MOPS group is having its last meeting of the year this morning. A couple of weeks ago, I thought we may be back home by now. Our family is missing a wedding, a banquet, a spring tea, and church, all happening tomorrow. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again:: we chose this job and this life and felt sure. We are so thankful for Sweet Man's great position and the privilege for me to be an On-Duty Momma. This life is giving us opportunities we would never have been able to have otherwise. I have the chance to engage in these moments of their lives as we live and learn together.

I have everything I need and more. So, why don't I feel it today?

Okay, enough of that...maybe say a prayer for me. And let me know how to pray for you...I'd love to. I just glanced and I'm seeing fun notes in my inbox...thank you, sweet friends and family. Why should I be surprised that you are hearing God's whispers in your ear?

We're gonna get outta here and go play in the sunshine.

{Update: Our quest to find the best playground in the Cedar Falls area was rewarded today. The kids made new friends, I caught up on some reading...we stayed for 4 hours. We're gonna be okay. But I still miss y'all.}

Book review

*Forgive me, friends. I reverted to my college paper-writing days...well, I was more coherent then...achieving this trancelike state (get your own lunch, kiddos!) and just writing. So, read on if you think you might enjoy this book or click onward into the blogosphere if you think otherwise. And to my homies: you may have to wait to find this book at our library...I will return it upon my return   *

P. S. Click on the embedded links to find out more about the author or the books.


p. 23...from my favorite author, Lisa Samson in The Passion of Mary-Margaret

I chose to embrace the spiritual because already, by that age, I knew I needed something more. More than coming home to an empty apartment after school. More than my tired grandmother and my tired aunt who came home after shucking oysters or picking crabs all day at the cannery. More than shoes that pinched my feet. It seemed like less effort for me to bring God into the pitiful circumstances of my life than to demand a fancy, all-encompassing do-over. I thought perhaps that might be too hard for God. I confess, sometimes I still think some things are too hard for God. I mean, deep down I think that. But thankfully there's an even deeper down. Unfortunately, crawling down into that well hurts like the devil because we know God can do something and yet doesn't, and we don't have many choices after that realization, and none of them are one hundred percent easy-breezy.

Loved this book. Love Lisa Samson...she's a Christian author...but not the sticky-sweet, contrived plot, sanctimonious sort. Oh, yeah, I said it...had enough of those books. She's genuine and she deals with ugly issues with frankness and humor...kind of what I want to be when I grow up...not an author, heaven's no...but a woman, dealing face to face with grim doubt and human ugliness with compassion and without judgment. My heart is not there, yet.

Here are snippets...hopefully just tantalizing enough without giving too much away ::

Mary-Margaret is an orphan on an island off the coast of Maryland, brought up by her Catholic grandmother and just-a-bit-touched aunt. She is told she was conceived in rape. The sisters of the island's parish educate and embrace her. Also on the island is a troubled boy, Jude, living in an abusive home. He takes a shine to her, in an obnoxious sort of way, but she is in love with Jesus. She chooses to become a religious sister, serving in many ways, but mostly enjoying teaching art and expressing herself through painting and sculpture. She and Jude follow their separate paths with interesting intersections of lives and time. We follow the threads of her faithful service to Christ, her quest to find out about her mother and father, and Jude's redemption. Mary-Margaret writes the book as a memoir to be read posthumously and describes 4 or 5 different timelines...which I must confess, tripped me up a little. 


The essence of the book emerges as Lisa describes Mary-Margaret's sweet, intimate, warm, deep friendship with Jesus. He visits her and calls her by her real name, which is never spelled out for us readers. She eagerly anticipates His visits, and He shows up unannounced to encourage her, share a cup of tea, or give her a specific task. He evades most of her questions but sometimes reveals funny little bits of a beloved's story, keeping her on a need to know basis. He honors her special requests like her plea to die while she is on her knees in prayer. They know and love each other well.

If you have read The Shack, Passion similarly helped me understand the Trinity more (will I ever get it? not this side of heaven...,) fleshing out how a relationship with Christ looks and how Our Father loves us. I liked this way better than The Shack, btw. Her portrayal of Christ is the way I think He wants to interact with all of us...but we're I'm not paying attention. Questioning her grip on sanity, Mary-Margaret suggests that God may more easily communicate with those the world considers touched as they are not bound by convention and assumption.

Trading soundness of mind for her connection with Christ would be an easy choice for her...but be assured Mary-Margaret is very rational. She's funny, down-to-earth, compassionate, hard-working, joyful and steps out of her cloistered life often to get down and dirty in the muck of this world. She looks for Christ in every situation while acknowledging that we are permitted to really mess things up over and over. She questions the substance of faith out of fear vs. faith out of love vs. lack of faith.

The whole story indicates to me just how much Lisa gets it. She describes what a my relationship with Christ and my active faith can look like...in practical, of-this-world-but-eyes-on-the-things-above terms. I knew that if by p. 23, her words resonated with me, this book is going to be used by God to entertain, encourage, challenge, and change me. Really good book, in my book. God, bless Lisa Samson.

Preach. it. sister.

Need a challenge? Need admonishment? I do.
It hits me square between the eyes...from another incredible blogger I discovered recently.

Here's an excerpt from It's Almost Naptime, but I suggest reading the whole thing:

None of us probably worship lizards or cats.
But I know a lot of us worship a god of our own creation.

It is a god who wants nothing for us but perfect health. A god who is only interested in our finances to the extent that he increase them. A god who is tolerant of and even encouraging of sin, especially if we claim we can't help it or were born that way. A god who doesn't care if we worship him in a pew or at IHOP. A god who would never, ever send anyone to hell. Well, maybe Hitler. But not our friends, our nice friends.

A god who above all else wants us to be happy, no matter what we have to do or who we have to hurt to achieve satisfaction.

A god who never judges, never condemns, never disciplines. We find ourselves saying, "My god would never do that."

Read the whole post here.

Couple of post scripts:

*I couldn't verify all the information she conveyed in her statements about the first article cited...not that I doubt...I just want to be responsible with the information I'm passing.

*Just so you truly know my heart...I ache for aborted babies and for their mommas.

Rendezvous

God and I had a date tonight.

We met at church and went home together.

He was too quiet for my tastes.

I cried.

It didn't end well.

Don't worry...

it's not over between us.

We'll try again.

Next time will be better.

Next time I'll talk less and listen more.

Next time I won't get up and walk away.

Beautiful, scandalous night

This song captures today for me. I should meditate on it every day. Thank you, Jesus.

performed by Robbie Seay Band

go on up to the mountain of mercy

to the crimson perpetual tide

kneel down on the shore

be thirsty no more

go under and be purified

follow Christ to the Holy mountain

sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall

cleanse your heart and soul

in the fountain that flows

for you and for me and for all

Chorus

at the wonderful tragic mysterious tree

on that beautiful scandalous night you and me

were atoned by His blood and forever washed white

on that beautiful scandalous night

on the hillside you will be delivered

at the foot of the cross, justified

and your spirit restored

by the river that pours

from our blessed Saviour's side

you carry the sin of mankind on your back

and the sky went black

go on up to the mountain of mercy

go the crimson perpetual tide

kneel down on the shore

be thirsty no more

go under and be purified