Bounty

Preservation in operation here. Gotta give props to my in-laws for much this week.

Last Saturday, they delivered our chest freezer...safe and sound back to us. {Bear with me for a little explanation: Two and a half years ago we moved out of the house in preparation for Sweet Man's work adventures carrying us around the country. We intended to sell our house quickly {*cough* right} and that we would not live here again.  After purging many items, things we wanted to keep were moved to Sweet Man's parents. The house didn't sell, the traveling is slowing down. We've been around a bit but I'm feeling the need to plug back in to a community....here we are.}

We received some delicious corn {peaches & cream} from them. In cooking all of it for our supper, the kids and I couldn't finish it, so I decided to freeze the leftovers. I remembered a tip I once heard about cutting corn of the cob: place cob in the middle of a bundt pan and cut kernels off into the surrounding cake pan, making sure to run the back of the blade down the cob to get the yummy creamy bits. It worked so well...just a bit bothersome getting all of those precious gems out of the grooves of the pan.

I also put up more shredded zucchini...{tell me, why is it that a squash looks so much smaller on the vine that I think to myself  give it a few more days, it's not ready yet and then when we do pick it, it's monstrous?} The only thing to do is core and shred. My MIL brought some new freezer bags that use the little vacuum to suck the air out. Put to good use tonight.We now have 8 qt. bags stashed.

Made some kale chips today...wish I could say it was my homegrown kale. Jury's still out...my first batch was too done; the second, much better.

Tomatoes are everywhere, from our garden, the in-laws and my dad's place. Most of them are of the poppable size...not can-able or freeze-able. But yum!

No berries, this year...been too busy to go pick. Boo.

AND Sweet Man's parents kept my kiddos for a few days so that I could paint Bean's new room...separate from her big brother. I have some more work to do before I share pics.

We hope to be hitting the road again...so I may be back soon to tell you all about our travels. And while we are gone, my big boy tomatoes will be falling off the vine. Riveting stuff, this life of mine.

Well, hello there

I received a new computer this weekend to replace the former, very cantankerous one...and for that I am grateful. So, I'm back in this space. I already like this laptop better than the old.

Should I try to catch y'all up on the last couple months? Many of you already know:  it's been a tough, sweet time...comforting to be in our home and challenging to be without my Sweet Man. About 4 weeks into a 5 week trip, I threw my typical tantrum...having a hard day that spiraled into feeling sorry for myself, isolated and abandoned. Still getting used to the circumstances of my life through all the change in the last 3 years. Boo hoo, right? I was not fit for human company. Yes, my poor kids had to endure.

The kicker is that heartache and crisis continue to swirl around the lives of friends...health crises, monumental life changes, consuming busy-ness...just got swallowed up by my own junk again and have been no help to anyone. 

There's been some hard work on the house {lost our carport in a strong wind ~ good riddance,} yard {new fence up and stray cat-proofed,} and pool {up and running!!!! just needs some new-to-us patio ...chairs.} 

Good stuff, too. The kids {and I} took a 7 week nature class...fantastic experience. We've connected with some friends. Finished Bug's 1st grade year ~ well, almost. Celebrated the matriarch of Sweet Man's family with a fun afternoon.

I rejoiced with happy tears upon news that Sweet Man is back in the same state as us after 6 weeks in South Carolina, Alabama, or Mississippi, helping clean up the aftermath of storms. Crazy weather this spring, no? Keeping my man and his team very busy.

We've made some decisions about life that have me feeling a bit more settled...remaining in the house for the time being, choosing a new church to attend, and praying for Sweet Man as he keeps his eyes on the horizon for a job posting that will bring him home to stay. 

I'm feeling the pervasive joy that comes to me each summer season. I love windows open, new freckles, clothes on the line, watching storms on the porch, digging in the garden. Oh, and the return of the Friday morning occupation...yard sales...searching for patio furniture, but finding oh, so much more. 

And a little bit of extra excitement is that the kiddos have joined a local swim team...SVP Stingrays. I'm tickled about it...I swam on the same team until I was 12...when we were called the SVP Nators...{whaaaa? the SVP who?...hence the name change.} I must qualify...I am the slowest and least proficient swimmer in my extended aqua-heroic family...to the point of having my last name questioned because I didn't live up to it. But I am thrilled to give my kids the chance to experience a taste of the magic of growing up at Spring Valley and to watch them develop solid stroke technique in a safe and fun environment. The season will keep us busy for several weeks. We're off to our first formal practice in a few minutes. Stay tuned for swimming stats and pictures of black and red suits.

And on the weekends, we'll be traveling back and forth to Dayton to see Sweet Daddy on his Sundays' off.

So that's the news here from Prone to Wander. Be back soon.

hello, darkness, my old friend

Random {& some depressing} thoughts:

• Melancholy has descended again...so lonely without Sweet Man. I didn't have time to get my head around the reality of him leaving before it became so. 
• At church last night, I again felt so alone...almost invisible. It's not a completely new feeling, but it is in that building. I'm sure I gave off a don't-mess-with-me vibe. Music and message were great. Of course, I didn't go up for prayer and snuck out during the last song. Didn't give anyone a chance to see me. I'm thinking it is a spiritual divide-and-conquer and I'm the one being isolated at this moment.
• I usually am under the impression that I am open book emotionally. Finding that not to be exactly true...I mistake my awkward sharing too much, too soon as being open with my feelings. Somehow I need to make people work to really get to know me, to make sure they really want to...none of this wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve stuff. 
• Don't we all know some  Eeyores? I don't want to be one. Actually, I've tried on that role and in turn driven people away from me with my misery. {Of course, readers of this blog, have a head start on Joe Blow on the street.You can keep a wide berth.} In my head I hear things like, don't be a burden, you're problems aren't as big as theirs, she's just being polite in asking.
• But pursuit wears my stubborn heart down. The fleshy part of me wants people to chase me and not let me go until I share my struggles with them...so wrong of me. And then there's the habit of saying, "oh, I'm okay." On about the third "no, really, how are you doing?" I'll start to share the truth. Or just burst into tears. 
• Never have learned to graciously, gently ask for help or to count on someone being willing. I've had to ask more in the past couple of years...but then have the nerve to be choosy about what kind of help I'll accept. Nice.
• In every facet of my life, God's asking me to examine my expectations of people. Again.
• We had a day with no plans. I woke up this morning and wondered how to fill the next 10 hours. All was well...my kids are terrific, you know.
• Several of my relationships are undergoing a change of some sort. One has reached a clear point of "it's no longer okay to treat me this way." I've finally had the courage to say as much to the other person involved. And that's a step in the right direction. 
• I don't think my pink Chucks are gonna get me through all of this, but your prayers would help.
• My stepmother is becoming a cherished friend. {I'm not sure that's traditionally allowed...I'll have to do some rules research. :)} But I'm so surprised and delighted with that new relationship.
• It occurred to me today that Sweet Man won't be home for his birthday or Easter. Duh. Now it's a scramble to get a care package together for him. He may be moved to North Carolina soon...I just may have to hand deliver it.

{Please no emails or comments. Thanks for getting this far with me. I'm emoting...not trying to elicit a response from you, dear readers. It helps just putting it out there in the universe. And we all know by now that I'll be better soon, especially with the prospect of Zumba Monday, a walking date Wednesday, and a coffee date Thursday when I get to see friends {and readers ;)} And then, of course, Easter celebrations this weekend.}

woe is me

It's good to be back from Illinois. The place is trashed already...makes me feel right at home.

A few things are crossed off our looming spring to-do list...but not enough.

We've been here 4 days and he received the call...he's being whisked away to South Carolina for a short {?} trip.

I know it'll be fine, but on this dreary day, I'm swept down the current.

There are days when I ask myself, Is traveling and sometimes being apart from your husband worth it? 

I would say to myself, It truly is during that magical, blissful stretch of days/weeks with Sweet Man at home with us...no work-y and some extra pay-y. 

or 

Self, aren'tcha tired of packing and unpacking and sleeping in different beds and driving and waiting for the phone to ring and saying goodbye to your husband for a week that inevitably turns into 3 so you pack up and go to him 'cause you're losing your mind just in time for him to be cut loose and you re-pack and head home?

Guess which answer I'm feeling today as I think that surely we're bound to get a stretch of blissful days off after 6 months on.

I trying to cope by perusing the Netflix reality TV genre, adding things to my queue...so I can try to get through without  my man {and live-in manny.}

So, wretchedly human on these days, grumbling {hopefully just here, so in real time you won't hear it} and looking to mindless distractions to get me through. Yuck.

the unloading of February

* Haven't had much to say, friends...less words...good for me, good for you.

No knitting or crafting lately. A little reading, school, some friendly visits, a sleepover, tennis lessons, two fun outings {here and here,} a loooonnng  hike with Uncle Nack & the hound dog...occupied our time last week. 

No particular crises or victories to speak of...just plugging away, missing Sweet Man terribly, seeking signs of spring desperately, trying to grab a foothold on time slipping away.

Other random thoughts in my head these days:

* My camera is in the shop for its annual cleaning...so no recent pics. I'm missing it. 

No, really...I'm missing it.

*  While I am enjoying the great thaw immensely, it reveals bagsful of trash that have blown into our yard. Better get to work.

* I am allowing myself one minor freak-out per day and the kids have ample warning. Taking place at that time when I look around and see the shrapnel of our activities, I set the timer and challenge them to beat the clock. All toys on the first floor must be returned to the playroom, couch cushions replaced {gah!,} games and puzzles back in their boxes. I've even smartened up and put them to work more regularly...using the electric broom for spot floor cleaning or to do the stairs, fetching this and that, emptying trash cans inside and bringing the trash cans in from the street, emptying the dishwasher, putting away laundry.

* I've also enticed/cajoled encouraged the boy to read to the girl...what a concept...fantastic. Not to worry, I'm still reading to them myself, plenty. Our current bedtime read is The Jungle Book.

* And to fuel all this child labor...we've been more deliberate at breakfast time...each morning asking which protein do you want? Years ago a friend passed on this advice to me feed them protein at breakfast and it was reiterated more recently. We've been at it for more than a year and it makes a world of difference. The boy and I are classic carboholics. Try to take our box of crackers away and you'll pull back a bloody stump. So, we've been talking about the difference between carbs and proteins...our bodies use carbs up faster and we are hungry sooner than if we've eaten a protein, alone or with carbs. {We don't talk about good or bad foods in our house...just balancing foods that make our bodies work better with foods that don't.} You can have a pancake or cereal, with a protein. Eggs, PB, yogurt, kefir, or turkey bacon are our protein staples. By the way, my kids really like the kefir at Aldi. I don't know how the price compares to those elsewhere...we just pick it up there as that's our frequent grocery stop.

And I've added another favorite breakfast to my repertoire: my version of the fantastic Subway breakfast sandwiches ~ egg or egg white, grilled green peppers & onions, tomato slice...avocado slices or sprouts if we have them...on an English muffin or not.

* My Christmas fry pan {in ocean, *wink} is getting a workout. Seriously, I use it at least 3 times a day.

* This girl of mine eats frozen peas like jellybeans. Weird.

* Veering into the spiritual realm...I would like to stop the wishing...I spend an inordinate amount of time qualifying dreams with phrases...biding time until life is different. 

• when he gets home, security will return...
• when we leap off this merry-ground life, life will be less complicated...
• when relationship A, {B, C, D, etc.} becomes healthier, my restless heart will stop its wondering...
• OR I need to accept the fact that some people just don't dig me...and can't I be okay with that?
• if we ever sell this house, I can't wait to settle into a home with some woods and land...and get a big ol' dog
• when I get a grip on my health, I will be confident and purposeful....

Really a waste of time, don't you think? I was reminded in last night's sermon that this use of my brain power {and several others habits of mine} is a purposeless pursuit.

Kick me and remind me that my life rrrr-hocks.

Today, I will...cuddle, take a walk with the babes, not clean, take a nap, read my Bible extra long, try a new recipe {yum! reminds me of chili-cheese fritos and sweet HLMC...thinking of you and your family, sweetie...}

* Some of you have asked about churches...specifically why I think Eastview is "my favorite." I'm working on an answer for you...gathering and gleaning from that community, Mars Hill, and our home church. One thing in my evaluations has become clear again {thank God!}...church is not about me or my comfort.

Okay...I broke my less words policy. Bye!

de-funk-ify

Friends, this is not going to be pretty. It has been a whinefest in my head and now it's here in in black & white. Some of you have endured my other fits, and you're still here? Wonders never cease.

Living this nomadic life for two+ years has at least afforded me a little warning, so I've anticipated the creeping, sucking funk. And I am very aware of my propensity to hibernate. But it usually hits about three weeks into a trip. The snow and cold has me feeling particularly trapped, so it's early. Call it cabin fever...I don't really know what to call it, but it smacks of the depression I felt after my mom died.

I feel disconnected. We're here, alone. My kids are sick of me...they need their buddies. I miss you at home, but don't feel really part of that world either, because we're gone often enough. And in a week, when we are back, I will be a single momma again, leaving Sweet Man here. Those are the choices, right now. {We chose this, I know...y'all have been mighty gracious, never saying that to my face.}

What I know is that the tension of this life has me frayed, yet again. Stretched beyond. I'm speaking of the tension that we all live with...Romans 7 stuff...I want to do what I should not and can't muster the strength to do the things I should. I can't hold ends together for my kids. I'm tired of fighting it...tired of meal planning, picking up, untangling hair and fights...finding engaging, healthy, creative ways to spend our time. 

I gotta get out of this place.

In fair weather, we do just that...spend hours at the playground, ride bikes on the trail, fly a kite, something. But I'm out of ideas...we've played Uno and Go Fish, been to the museum {& going back Thursday,} been thrifting and grocery shopping, made valentines. I'm thinking about hitting the gym with a day pass, but I don't know what the childcare sitch is at the gyms in town and don't have the energy to find out. Don't know if we I can endure the 0 degrees to go play in the snow. We've been swimming enough that everything {and everyone} has a slight bouquet of chlorine.

Today, I want to give in to every whim, theirs or mine. Yes, you can eat M & M's for breakfast...sure, let's watch another episode of Zach and Cody, even though we've seen this one 3 times already...no, *sigh* we don't have to do school today...of course, you can tear the room apart, walk barefoot to the car, tackle your brother...shoot the balloons with your fake bow and arrow, in your underwear {you look like Cupid}...go for it. {Post edit: They didn't have m&m's for breakfast, we did indeed have school, etc. I'm just getting worn out from the negotiations.}

Every day there are parts of me that compel me to just check out, drive through Krispy Kreme {have I told you there's one so close that I could spit and hit it?} and sack out in front of the TV. {Haven't done it...yet.} 

That damn screen...it's so easy...and we have many tempting versions...cable, laptops, smart phones...and now, a DSi. {Thank you, Sweet Man. It's a problem...I may have mentioned...the number one argument between us. How much screen time is okay? What habits do we want our kids to cultivate? What is real...on a screen, in a book, in life?} Sometimes I wish we were a TV free house...and am very aware that we could be, especially when Sweet Man is away. Maybe. I want my kids to love books and learning...hiking and the outdoors...healthy, safe relationships...good nourishing food. Using the bodies and minds and hearts God gave them...not numbing them with the anesthesia of technology. 

But today, I want to give in and slip into that slumber. {Is this a struggle just for me?} 

Because I know my body tricks me and signals that it wants something that will not do me any good in the long run, I'm reigning in my sugar, carbs, and caffeine...getting plenty of sleep...I hope my adrenal system will thank me, soon. That could be a good part of this equation.

And a good dose of service would help, causing us to look beyond the walls of this hotel and beyond ourselves. Haven't figured that out yet...visits to nursing homes? volunteering at the church pantry?

And maybe a kid-free break...that would be good...maybe. Sweet Man will let me go get a cup of decaf, sans enfants...maybe.

Well, I've put on my favorite sweater and my pink chucks. I'm listening to my incredible kids play Simon Says and talk about puppies nervous pee-ing. Maybe we'll go visit the meerkats {indoors} at the zoo.  Then to the library. Maybe I'm starting to smile.

{Post edit: The zoo was fun...we went from warm building to warm building and sat and watched the the meerkats, a Sumatran tiger, the gibbons, and the lemurs...spending enough time that we did not make it to the library...but there are 9+ hours to fill tomorrow. AND...Sweet Man said, of course, go find a Starbucks or a bookstore. Get out for a while. Wonderful man. Wonderful kids.}

Yarn Along

I'm joining Ginny at small things to celebrate the loves of reading and knitting. 

A friend {with birthday upon us,} will be receiving this mitten {and its mate, if I can get my act together.} She knows already...I slid a prototype on her hand last week. Nope, no surprises for her.

{blurry pic, sorry}

I'm going to give this new book a go. The same friend had a post-holiday, book-swap, girls' night...really fun idea. I couldn't make it, but she swapped this book in my stead. I'll let you know what I think.

And currently, our bedtime {or anytime} reading is Alice in Wonderland. I wasn't sure if B & B would  appreciate the absurdity and silliness...but they seem to. They still giggle about the tea party scene in which a watch and then the dormouse were each dipped into cups of tea. Silliness. And Bug had already begun to learn this poem for school, so when it came up in the story, he, too, had gently smiling jaws.

How Doth the Little Crocodile

by Lewis Carroll

How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every shining scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin, 

How neatly spreads his claws,

And welcomes little fishes in 

With gently smiling jaws.

We're laying low today. Bean has a fever and sore throat. She's sleeping in front of the fire to get those germs out of her little body. Poor thing. I'll knit when I'm not busy cuddling.

And in case I don't get back here for a few days, the kids and I are hitting the road again soon. Need to get my act together for that, too. Lists, laundry, and packing. We'll be celebrating Bug's birthday in Illinois with Sweet Daddy. More on that later. 

Holiday catch up

{I should be knitting, I should be knitting...}

Busy times here as I'm sure they are at your house with your loves. 

Last week we drove to see Sweet Daddy in Illinois and spent a cozy, snowed~in weekend with him. We had Christmas movies on, needles in hand {well, just me,} cookies baking, and a fire in the fireplace{well, fakey logs...but a lovely fire.} Christmas bliss. 

And that, my friends, is the very reason we don't go and stay with him on this assignment during this season. Cookies and TV and sitting on our buns inside do not make for healthy, happy family and that's exactly what we would do, day after day, with only swims in the hotel pool to get our blood pumping. {We did leave the hotel to drive through blizzard conditions to attend possibly my favorite church ever.}

After four days, the bliss had to come to an end. Back home we went. We arrived after a loooonnnnng 6 1/2 hour drive...{doesn't sound too long, but I hadn't slept well the night before and we lose an hour on the way east...so it's an hour later than it would've been in Illinois.} The kids and I unpacked the car, then put up our artificial Christmas tree...yes, I made the leap...and really like having it. I totally get the appeal, and my pine-allergic husband who has graciously allowed us to have a real tree in other years...appreciates it, too. It's just right and so fun to unwrap our ornaments and answers the kids' questions about the meaningful ones.

{I should be knitting, I should be knitting...}

The rest of the week went by quickly with a visit to Apple Valley to celebrate Grandma's birthday, a day full of friends {and more cookies} at our house, and a birthday dinner for Uncle Nack. Oh, and a new haircut and a touch of online shopping.

Today, it's back to knitting and Christmas movies in our pj's...with bread baking this time. No more cookies for a bit...oy.

{really...I should be knitting, I should be knitting...}

Yes, it's crunch time, yet I find myself tweaking my FB profile and adding photos, then becoming distracted by others' pictures and verging on becoming a creepy voyeur. {I mean, let's get real...that is the point of Facebook, right? That and presenting the best possible picture of our lives. Okay, rant over...I am, after all, a willing participant in it and enjoy keeping in touch with peeps through FB.}

Chicagoland

Just a little update:

Sweet Man called and described our large and lovely hotel room in Bloomington. Then he topped it with better news: that he won't be working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, here, as he does on other assignments...he'll have a more normal schedule.

So, the kids and I extricated ourselves from my dad's house and hightailed it west.

Now we're safe and together. And excited to explore a new town and see some friends who live here.

Santa Maria

My laptop's back...hence the photo heavy posts.

How are you going to celebrate Columbus Day? Did you know that there is a replica of one of Columbus' ships right here in central Ohio...of course, you did.

I had never been and since we've been reading about the New World explorers {the height of controversy, I know} I could see a field trip coming together. By the by, The Story of the World: Vol. 2, (Bauer) covers all the explorers {as far as I know}: Leif Erikson, Columbus, Vespucci, Sir Walter Raleigh {props to the folks in NC!} and the Jamestown settlement, and certainly the recognition of aboriginal people who had been here long before with their own rich, but a bit more mysterious history.

Anywho, I talked Sweet Man into a day trip and we invited a few homeschooled cousins to come along for the ride. I had a blast...I hope the rest did. The tour was good...although I don't think the tour guide was enjoying himself so much. We learned so much about life on a ship in the 15th century...not fun, I assure you, but impressive. Thanks, Ferdinand and Ysabella!

And in travel news: Sweet Man has received an assignment in Illinois. He was supposed to leave next Monday, but the trip has been moved up and he departs this Wednesday. Bummer...since we had big plans this weekend and I don't think I can pull it off as a single momma. Another time, perhaps.... 

I am excited to hit the road and travel about 6 hours away. We'll be staying in a lovely place and I think we'll be close enough to come back home, here and there. 

Uhmm, yeah, hi...again

He brought it up Thursday:: "We may be out of here by this weekend. So, anything you really want to do in this area, do it today." 

The possibility that Sweet Man would be released from the Des Moines assignment was quickly becoming reality. Others in the office had already wrapped up their work and were moving on. He had to stick around until one certain colleague was finished and then he'd put in a few more hours and be done.

"Okay..."said I, calmly..."where to next?"

"Don't know, yet."

Friday:: "I talked to *Bob* and he said he expects me to be done this weekend."

"Okay, and...?"

"He's sending me home."

"Ha, hahahahahahaha, right.  {long pause} Really....wait, what about Earl? We just got here four days ago...we're getting into a groove. Can't we go to Ocracoke...and help with the roofs...no carnage, just flying shingles, please." {Ocracoke is one of my favorite places on the planet. Okay...I haven't been too many places, but really it is a fantastic and fun island. I'm glad they didn't get blown away.} So, really, where are we going?"

"Home. But...we can take our time and wander around on the way."

"But...I thought we'd be out in the field for a month or more. I bought loads of groceries. And we...don't...really have...a home, right now." 

Saturday morning, oh, 11ish :: "*Mike's* just checked out. I have 2 more hours of work, but we need to be out of the hotel by noon. I'm coming home to help pack the car."...which meant I had to pack our stuff, stat.

Out by 11:30ish... the kids and I kicked around for a couple of hours...and we were eastbound at 3:30ish.

So, farewell, Iowa...again. It really is fun, road tripping...with two adults. And in glorious weather {wasn't it? Oh, I wish we were camping.} We drove into the night, stopping in Indiana at 2am...to wake in the morning and share a breakfast with dear friends. Then home-ish. 

{Sounds dramatic, I know...there's that whole we-gave-our-house-away-for-a-month thing...but we have options, people...no worries. We're bunking in the Valley for the time being...and then my dad's house while he and my stepmom are in North Carolina, where she has a house. So, we might be seeing you soon.}

Random

* I've lost much of my morning to Grooveshark.com searching for songs and making my summer playlist. Goooood music. I highly recommend it if you have an hour {or 3} to blow. Which I don't.

* The official first day of school picture below. Got 3 days in this week. Done. {Notice the new scoots...very important for homeschooling.}

*  Heretofore, this boy shall be known as...Snaggletooth.

* Sweet Man flies in tonight. We're already fighting over who gets to hug him first and longest.

*My renewed obsession:: thrifting and yard-saling! Just. can't. stop. The antidote? Living in a hotel for a month.

* So, the great sort/pack has begun...planning on being out in the world for the month of September. First stop, Des Moines, Iowa...but ready for a relocation and a longer trip.

* And in the meantime, God worked it out for our church's new youth pastor and his family to stay in our home while we are gone. Love Him!

{Speaking of that:: when I begin to look at my house with new eyes, knowing another family is going to get to know more about us than they would ever want to...I see shabbiness. Yuck...like our ancient vacuums and mower. All very much operable, if you follow a certain protocol: stand on your left foot, hold a flyswatter in your right hand, have 6 sunflower seeds and a Jack of spades in your pocket and wait for the full moon....then they may work. How do I communicate all this to a family I've never really met?}

* Bean has impeccable fashion sense. Really.. I'm not kiddin' or jokin' or lyin'.

* Never fear:: the troops are here...rapelling down an elegant, pearl rope, of course.

No more whining

for now...the whinefest is over.

For now.

Thank You, LORD, for the gentle-shoulder-shake-get-a-grip message last night.

Do I pray the LORD's Prayer or do I merely recite it? When He gives me His kingdom, do I try to hand it back, saying...well, this kingdom is not what I meant...I meant my dreams, my plans, my kingdom. No, thank you. I launch into negotiation mode {like a certain boy, I know} and ask for more or different.

Am I willing to give up what I have...the material, the comfort, the relationships, the control, the time, the sin {all things I make too precious}...to receive what He wants me to have?

I have an incredible life. Thank You, for reminding me to look up instead of down to recover my astonishment at You. My small, but not insignificant, part is to be prepared and to help in the work of preparing for Your kingdom.  I recognize this concept is out-there...I'm still chewing on it. I need to study more about His kingdom.

AND....da~duh~da-da!!!! He {the other big man in my life} is coming home soon...Wednesday evening to be exact. Our family will have a long weekend together...during which we decide if we travel together back to Iowa? Nebraska? {not sure where he'll return, yet} OR if we will stay back here for now. {Post edit: Road trip! The four of us will be heading west on Sunday to stay ??? don't know how long...or exactly where we'll be, but we'll be together.}

Tap-out

Allrighty, I'm losing steam with this single momma gig. {I really don't know how single parents do it...with jobs and little support.}

Bug was up half the night with a stomach bug...today he's back to normal, like it never happened at all. The only evidence left is a pallet on my bedroom floor and my wishing I had toothpicks for my eyelids.

{I don't say it out loud, because I don't want to jinx us, but we don't get very s*ck very often. We each get little sniffly, annoying colds, but nothing that stops us in our tracks. The last time he, ahem, upchucked,  he was one.  And immediately after he did last night, he said, "That's what they call barfing, right, Mom?" Bean never has barfed.}

It's Friday night and my state of mind is holding tight...I'm still pretty crazy about these kiddos.  And it's not even about needing a break, which would be fantastic, but if I really needed one, wouldn't I make arrangements? Yes.

I may have complicated things by watching two Nicholas Sparks movies this week {Dear John ~ meh  & The Last Song ~ really sweet} Boy, if that isn't the defibrilator for flat-lining emotions.

But enough already, I just wanna hug my husband and feel his scruffy face. With the kiddos piled on top of us.

Too fast

I sat on the floor with piles of books around me. Today was get-it-together day for first grade homeschooling. Do we have everything? No, but we have enough. We have a plan to start Monday. 

{I never did tell you about my Classical Conversations practicum experience, did I? Well, in short, it rocked my world. I feel passionate about the philosophy and buoyed from the structure. It includes the attributes I appreciate about my own education and addresses the gaps that I see looking back. Ideally, we would work in our home 4 days a week and meet with a community one day a week. Problem is, we cannot fully commit to it without being in one place, so...we will continue to consider it for another time in our lives. Until then, I will keep to the principles without putting it all into practice.} 

I always cried the night before school starts...mourning the summer. Still do, during my teaching years and now. Have we done enough? jumped off the arcing swing? watched enough thunderstorms? survived scraped knees? eaten enough s'mores? picked enough fruit? rolled in the grass with friends? practiced our mermaid/man skills enough? ~ the answer to that question, my friends, is a resounding yes, we have swum enough. 

One of my summer regrets, other than yelling too much, is that we usually see at least 2 fireworks displays, but missed them all this year.

Life in general is moving too fast.  I don't want to miss a new freckle or a fight. 

Fleeting...the ease of fun in the summer. Once the autumn begins...the fun is plentiful, but takes a little more work and planning. And we probably won't be in this familiar environment.

Are they going to remember these days? fondly? Am I? Here's a great idea from a real blogger, Stephanie Precourt @ "Adventures in Babywearing":: These days are theirs as much as they are mine.

{I do want time to speed up just until the time we rejoin Sweet Man. Hurry, please. It's been 3 weeks and you know how I get.}

It has been a year since my life changed as I held my momma's hand and whispered see you soon.

The jury's still out on whether the exponentially increasing speed of life is a blessing or a curse.

Birthday, buddies, and bad news

It was my birthday last week, yes indeed...I did my best to ignore it and it almost worked. Others, however, got wind of it and helped me celebrate.

I had a lovely, low-key actual birthday. Enough to not feel forgotten, but not enough to seem crass in light of missing important people. And I was the happy recipient of two {ahhh ~yeah} cakes and some thoughtful presents. {Thank you, sweet people.}

A couple of days later, we left for another camping adventure with friends...no daddys...just 2 mommas and 5 kiddos, a few of my favorite people...just crazy about them. We even borrowed a mohawk buddy.

What'd we do? We swam, read magazines, rode bikes, picked blackberries, saw our friend, Missy and the animals at the resort, danced, laughed, ate popcorn,  played tennis, ate coconut marshmallows {heavens, they're tasty.} And my longtime friend and I actually had interrupted, but eventually complete conversations...my primary goal for the trip.

Real life invaded ~ There was an awful accident while we were there...we've had lots of praying for the boy. 

The next day there was a not so awful accident, involving a minivan and a wooden post...and that's all I'm gonna say...at least until I fess up to Sweet Man. Oy vey.

Arriving home without any more incidents, we said farewell to our camp family and unpacked. And then, about 30 minutes before another sweet friend entrusted her kiddos with me for this very night, Sweet Man called to tell me that he will not be home on our anniversary, as planned, but that he will be flying on...to Iowa for his next assignment. He wants me to join him in the next couple of days...but I'm whipped.  I plan to sleep well for the next 3 days. We each have a little cold. I can be neither witty nor clever...just the facts. And I want to finish my current book...then I'll come up with a plan.

August, really?

Maximizing the fun of every day becomes tiring...but we are doing it. And there are plenty of pictures...but on this borrowed laptop, I shan't load it down with all those MBs. 

{Post edit: Laptop's back...I've added pictures.}

I was thrilled {and a bit anxious} to be able to go on the Women's whitewater rafting trip last Friday. Twas all pretty perfect...wonderful ladies, compelling and encouraging discussion times...and tons of fun on the New River. We did the Lower Gorge run {listen to me, I sound like I know what I'm talking about} which included a couple of Class 2 rapids on up to 2 Class 5's. Sometimes, I think our guide may have been blowing smoke at us to make it seem more exciting...he had grown up on that river and told great stories, pointing out the ruins of the old mining towns and his still-tended family cemetery. But, man, could he put that boat right where he wanted us...impressive. He even shot us down an narrow chute backwards...on purpose!

The babes were in the Valley while I was adventuring {thank you again, Grandma and Grandpa J!} so I headed there Sunday evening and spent the night, with a plan to go peach-picking in the morning. We picked for a bit, had lunch and then  the kids and I headed home.

A sweet friend reminded me she was watching my babes that evening, so that I could go to a very steamy {no A/C} Zumba class. Got my sweat on!

Tuesday, we. did. nothing! Lovely...we went nowhere...no one came over. It rained; I drank coffee; we played Candyland; I didn't cook. I think I took 2 naps and read most of the day. I did clean out the scuzzy van.

Wednesday, we trekked on over to Coshocton Lake Park to visit Opa and Anne on their camping trip. Just for the day...to see them and to enjoy the water park...which we did for about an hour before a HUGE storm rolled in. We were stalwart, sitting on our loungers, watching everyone scramble. I'll confess...I thought to myself, silly people, just relax and wait it out...we've been through this before. Well, we waited a little too long...and once the drops began to fall, we were hustling our buns back to the campsite, stopping first to get a we-can-come-back-and-swim,right? stamp. And then there was wind, and running, and walls of water...and the rending of tree limbs. We made it back to the camper and gathered up things that had gotten blown around and wet. Safe and sound and shivering, we sat in Opa's camper and thanked God. Bug said, I was so scared, I just prayed. Very exciting. 

After the storm was over, we went for a lovely walk with the dogs, to the river and around the campground. We must put that campground on our list...so fun for kiddos...lots of bike paths and that over the top pool. Next summer maybe we'll go for a week. A good meal was prepared and eaten. Some talking, some chalk drawing, some playing with the dogs followed. And then there was a sleepy drive home...

I'll be sure to let you know about our fun weekend plans. Now, I'm off to cut the grass.

Sweet Daddy update: He is in Nebraska and will be there for another week. His Bloomington assignment is cancelled for now...not sure where he will be next, but we are excited to be able to see him back home if only for a day or so. And when we know where he will go, the kiddos and I will make our plan.

And things were going swimmingly

WARNING: The ramblings of Summer Whinefest 2010 are about to begin.

{My computer is in the shop....again.....I know! But some sweet friends have given me a loaner...my window on the world. Thank you!}

The phone rings...and the news changes our world. Not a phone call of profound changes. Not a phone call of the loss of life.

A phone call from the boss... a change of work plans. Sweet Man has a meeting that's been on our radar for months.  The meeting lasts 3 days and then he would travel home for a bit and back to headquarters to work on a project... for 90 days.

Family of four fun is over. We've had Creation, Fourth of July and camping fun...and time even for projects/relaxing at the house. A whole month of our favorite summer things. But alas, our summer days with Sweet Daddy are coming to an end...and we were planning a few more special things to do with Daddy when he came home after the meeting and before the new assignment.

But then, the phone rang. The boss...again. Plans have been changed...again. Still the meeting, still the 90 days at headquarters, but now there is a short assignment in Nebraska between the two. Short enough that it's not worth the trip for us to go out there. And there will be no trip home for him.

It may not seem much different on paper...but I am feeling the difference...an acute sadness fell on me. My head resumed its spinning...with the projects and the decisions and the errands and the obligations that I now have to take on myself.

Sweet Man wisely asked that I not let the new developments ruin the short time we had left together. We'll be apart for 3 weeks...which is about the longest I can go without him without losing my mind.

He left yesterday.

Our house is not sold and no longer on the market...which is fine in the short term...no cleaning, no showings. But, we still have a house...with many things in storage...I'm still grieving a few of the things I "selled away" in our haste to empty our house. And this house is still filling up with junky stuff I buy in the meantime. It has been 18 months of meantime. The things that were clean and fixed at the beginning of this adventure are showing their wear again.

In our backyard, a significant project is in progress...the back fence is gone, soon the jungle behind it will be, too. I feel a little exposed. People can see in my backyard...can see us in our backyard. That's okay, though, right? I mean we're all people living in the same area...this could be a great thing. But Sweet Man won't be back to help make the final decisions on which screen {fence or foliage} we use to replace that boundary.

Homeschooling starts soon.

A few other big decisions are on the back burner.

The anniversary of Mom's death is approaching.

I must be careful, while he's gone, about my schedule as I have the tendency to fill the missing with too many activities...just so I'm not sitting at home missing him. So we're here...I'm determined to slow down...protect some quiet days even as my kiddos whine, "what are we doing today? who's coming over? I'm so bored."

I shouldn't even give a moment's energy to this discomfort of mine. A dear friend lost her sweet husband a few days ago...I have no right to gripe.

There's blackberry jam in the pantry...and cucumbers and zucchini on the counter, ready for some recipe experimentation. There are friends ready to help. There are smiles and cozy, cuddling-in-bed talks...and another VBS {I know...ridiculous}...there's Zumba...there are new discipline efforts that are working?.... There's swimming everyday {the pool looks fantastic after a little work, yesterday}...there's red nail polish...there are sweet hand-me down clothes...there's lots of love. There's a weekend whitewater rafting trip with my Women's Adventure Group...stay tuned...woohoo! {Made possible by gracious Grandma and Grandpa Johnson....thank you!!!!}

There is a greater plan and purpose for this time and for this family.

There are blessings all around.

Lots going on in this family and in this brain. Not quite enough time to understand or explain it all.


I'm sure once I get my synapses firing coherently, it will help to write these fleeting, floating thoughts. Can't promise if or when that will be.

I'm trying not to be too busy...riiiiggghht ...'cause gosh golly, I am lonesome for my sweet man and partner. If I keep moving and talking and firing, I think about the craziness of this life less.

God is good all the time and He understands it all. So, maybe I don't have to keep trying.

Empty the brain

::My two boys are shorn. Daddy got crazy with the clippers. Bring on the summer sweat! I still am doing double takes when I see my boy. And with that, the tears from the daily morning taming of the curls decrease by half...still have to deal with Bean's.

::Swimming lessons are going well...as well as week-long free lessons can go. They are both being challenged a little, being asked to do things out of the norm with me or Sweet Daddy or Grammy...their usual swim-help-adults-people.

::      ♬ School's out for summer ♩....almost.          We'll be finished with school in 5 more days...hopefully before we head home. I love summer, you know. I may be more excited than him.

:: We've enjoyed two mornings out...Messy Morning, the weekly fave and then a reduced admission day here. Staying busy.

:: My mood is so much better now that Sweet Man and I have some flags on the horizon....plans with dates attached to them. I'm pushing the limit of metaphors:: I've felt like a marathon runner (ha...never!) who's been in the race for a while, but has no idea how long she's run or how much farther to go. Having a stake in the ground marking a destination in time shores up my motivation and joy.

So, the next flag coming into focus is for Memorial Day weekend when SM has another long weekend. Many decisions to be made about that one...stay here? go home? camp....oooo, I hope so...? Staying here makes me want to go home and going home tugs my heart to stay here. I know...I'm sick in the head. My mind reels with possibilities. Think I'll let Sweet Man make the final decision.