the parties are over, the decorations packed away...the extra food lingers...{really, two parties in two days with different menus...good grief}
soon I will be alone again...
...and one of my safety nets is leaving for a warmer climate
I don't do resolutions, per se...or rather I don't regulate them to the calendar...instead making grand proclamations of great intention and change...without the consistency to change lifestyle
and today, my blogging anniversary...begs the question....
is it worth it? for whom do I write? you or me?
should I go on just conveying happy information about our travels...dabbling in homemaking, theology, navel-gazing?
I feel the pull of change...a need to protect more...not let people know so much about where I am and who's with me...or not with me...
a resistance to giving information about myself to people I used to talk to but now, for some reason, don't
a resistance to giving information about myself which can be judged and commented upon, suggestions of change noted
and then the resentment of unexpressed expectation...I'm going to say whatever I want here
of the missing an old way of life...with a community, a husband I saw every day, a gym membership
...my mom
can I tell you how my heart is breaking to say goodbye to my love again...with a plan to reunite in 10 days... then say goodbye again...for who knows how long...it's left up to me to decide
having a choice between being embraced by this house and its coziness or venturing into the world to be embraced by Sweet Man...
I know WHO to ask...if I just take the time to do it...
these shouldn't be difficult decisions....
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